111 TIMOTHY..NEW FINDINGS

Liberal Bible scholars are all excited about their recent find
of old scripture that was dug out of the mud-flats of Cleburne.
Modernist, Humanist, and Liberals, of multiple shades and hues have been looking for this document nearly all their lives!!!!

III-TIMOTHY

1. "Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, to Timothy, one called to be
Youth Minister of the First Church of Ephesus. I besought thee to
abide still at Ephesus, when I went to the Macedonian Workshop, that
thou mightest share thy dynamic motivational personality with the Keen
Teens and the Yuppie Young Marrieds.

2. Meditate upon new schemes to keep them excited and on fire, give
thyself wholly to them, lest the elder men and women teach them to be
sober-minded, and watch out for them in all things. Do the work of a
Recreation Director, plan a social calendar, entertain at hootnannies,
chauffeur to amusement parks, referee ball games, make full proof of
thy ministry.

3. Bodily exercise produces firm believers. These things write I unto
thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly; but if I tarry long, that thou
mayest know how thou ought to behave thyself in the Fieldhouse of God,
which is the Gymnasium of the Church, the backboard of real progress.

4. Let no man despise thy youth-rallies and be thou an example of the
latest fads, in holy hugs, clapping of hands, devos, after-glows all
done in the neo-charisma of this enlightened age.

5. Study to show thyself approved of by intellectual progress beyond
the things thou hast learned and have been assured of up until this
new and later-day revelation. I charge thee therefore before God and
Jesus Christ to preach good self-image with renewed psychological
diligence, to make your Membership roll become enlarged as well as
the Church Treasury to overflow.

6. Relate, placate and motivate with all counseling in order to show
others who you are by trying to win friends and influence your enemies.

7. Lay hands suddenly on anyone who seems visibly successful; keeping
thyself popular is a most appropriate endeavor. Oh Timothy, keep that
which unknowing, parents have committed to thy trust, avoid doctrinal
issues and oppositions of knuckleheads, falsely so-called.

8. Keep your eyes open unto the fields that are almost ready for
harvesting of larger salaries and bigger and better compensation
packages, for thee and thy family; Also, keep thyself unspotted from
the rank and file members of the Church, because they will cause you
great loss of time and money looking after their petty needs.

9. Do diligence to perform great feats until I come and set in order
all that is lacking from being a giant in your community. When I get
there, all of you should be fat and sassy in word as well as in deed.
.......Your beloved Paul, with a new outlook on life!
_  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

PS: Another scroll was dug up recently, namely the book of Zedekiah,
and along with III-Timothy, I am commending these epistles for your
scrutiny and consideration. And after examination, I predict you will
place these in your library along side your other venerated works such
as The Ministers' Monthly......As soon as the translation work on the
Epistle of Zedekiak is complete, I will give you a 'pre-pub' preview.